Recognizing broken …

It has been a long journey of self-discovery and IMG_0846dropping all of those perfect ideals.   What I didn’t realize was just how broken I really was.  Life has a funny way of helping us move forward.  But many of us go through life with a mask of hurt, pain, anger or any other word we want to associate our burdens or self-identification.

I did what is expected as being a mom we continue to cook clean and dive into our children’s activities and if that isn’t enough, we go on to organize the booster clubs and stepping into leadership or so I thought.   What I didn’t recognize was that I was losing myself, I forgot to connect to my heart and do what is best for everyone so life could become balanced.   No was never an option, the alarm always alerted me.  It was time to do more.IMG_0802 (2)

Misunderstandings, assumptions, words spoken of regret and mis-interpretations, false expectations appearing real, as parents we dream of what “perfect family” should be but in reality most of us are far from this environment.  It looks good on the outside – but is it really?  Do you speak up for fear of rejection?   When i spoke up judgement was placed.   Or do i accept the small morsels given?   It’s a NO WIN situation.

Some of us dove into a career with head strong urgency,IMG_1501 though I chose motherhood with no regrets.   Striving to do more and be more, applies to both areas.  Long days and weeks away from family or obligations was not a problem since others would be stepping up and taking care of everything.   I am important and needed or so I thought.

Slapping the smile on my face and trudging forward is what I did best.  One day an angel interrupted me and suggested something different.   Deep down I knew I was angry, deep down I know of heartache and pain, deep down I knew I needed something ~ but what?

IMG_1180I tried therapy … same ole same old; tell the woes of unhappiness, reliving those painful defining moments then what, was there a resolve, no!   No next steps, no relief, no sympathy, no solution.  Tried another therapist to help me see the forest through the trees.  Ugh, again the same story telling, nodding and taking notes, but nothing to grab on to that will get me out of my own head.

Children throw themselves into life and speak their mind and you hear adults say “out of the mouths of babes”. As adults we hold back and don’t speak of wrongs against us, we are chaise for having a voice and saying we don’t like, we don’t want to, we don’t agree with the words you spoke to us and continue on.   Little by little our spirit is broken, little by little our heart cries out, little by little we stop trying.   When do you stop the Ferris wheel and make a plea for a different life?

We may be broken and still successful, can be connected and a resource for many, but deep down we know.  Need to get out of our head and the logical side of life and find that inner child that screams for attention.   Find that spark, that free spirit who leaps out of bed no matter the age and dive into life, and live from the heart!

My angel game me the gift of life.  My angel gave me the gift of love.  My angel has no idea how truly grateful I am.  He saved my life.  I am able to drop all of those preconceived ideas of who I need to be, who I am supposed to be and I found ME!   Digging deep didn’t happen overnight but the experience and the transformational opportunity was worth the ride!   I am alive!  I am connected to my heart; I am able to see the forest through the trees.  Let me help you!   Let me come from a place of love and show you just how beautiful you truly are.  Let me be your angel!

I love life ~ I love you and have a gift for you to open ~ it’s your choice!

Long 8

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